4 months tomorrow…

12 March 2019

4 months tomorrow.

That’s how long it’s been since I got on a plane which took me all the way to the other side of the world.

I agonised over the impact of taking a long-haul flight for quite some time, and investigated the alternatives. Without any concrete conclusion, I surrendered to the call to get myself to Highden - a modern temple and soul community. It’s the only thing in a long while for which I’ve felt a real “Fuck Yeah”. Last time I left the UK for any comparable length of time, I was in the midst of my self-coined quarter-life crisis (always declared with a wry smile on my face) in 2004-5, which led me to South America, Central America and Mexico for a year. But that’s another story. Seems like 14 years later I felt the call again.

I wasn’t due at Highden till February but felt it was time to leave London pretty much immediately. As I’d been craving further yoga immersions since my India trainings in 2013 and 2014, I found a month long yoga training in Bali led by 3 powerful, beautiful women. A month later, on the southern hemisphere Summer Solstice, I arrived in Australia for some freestyle adventures till it was time to head further south to NZ and Highden.

But I didn’t make it to NZ and I didn’t make it to Highden….this time anyway. Things haven't flowed that way....yet. But it's kinda like I'm there, even though I'm not there. Big shifts often begin with the intention, and I knew this journey would be a rite of passage of sorts, full of heart and soul. It’s dawned on me that there wasn’t a right and a wrong choice - to go or not go were two perfect and valid paths. What I have committed to is following the most glorious golden thread of nature, connection, community, intimacy, sex positivity, heart expansion and listening to my inner truth.

Getting into my flow has led me on a quite wonderful journey...

I’ve been connecting with tribe along the way - meeting and travelling with new friends and lovers, catching up with friends from the UK who live here now.

I’ve been blown away by each and every beautiful being that has welcomed me into their home and given me a place to stay; be it floorspace in the living room, a mattress and mosquito net in the garage, a tent on the veranda, a converted railway carriage in the mountains, an actual bedroom, and everything else in between! So much love and gratitude to you lovelies: Aiko, Zane, Anatolia, Jono, Ryan, Ben, Kim, Gretel, Greg, Bunny, Christine, Brad, Cam and Chad.

I've felt so at home all the way over this side of the world - more than 10,000 miles away from a place I’ve been calling home for most of this lifetime to date. T H A N K Y O U B E A U T I F U L C R E A T U R E S !

I’ve worked with Seani and the School of Erotic Mysteries at the beautiful Cycles of the Pass - whom I continue to work with, and where we are soon to return for more deep diving. I’ve gone Into the Wild - a very different experience from the UK festival of the same name! - in the NSW bush south of Sydney. I’ve experienced a Taste of Love up in Byron Bay - hilariously the first “tantra" festival I’ve ever been to…fancy that?! These are three bigger events that have been markers on this journey so far which, along with some other beautiful spaces and experiences spanning conscious sexuality, sex positivity, sacred sexuality and community, have reconfirmed I am still a big fan of weaving and playing in, among and between all of the pieces and overlays of this marvellous Venn Diagram!

I’ve realised the value of taking a holiday or time out from everyday life. I’ve been self-employed for 6 years, and it’s sometimes hard to carve out an actual holiday - I’m kinda always “on”, or at least never totally “off”. One big learning I wanted to share was “go on holiday, take a mini-break, each of us deserves it.” It’s amazing how much gratitude I feel for myself, my life and those I share my life with, with a simple shift of perspective.

I’ve witnessed from afar the passing of some dear elders in my life - my Auntie Jean, the last female elder in my biological family, and my dear friend Yinka, an elder from my chosen family. I can only imagine and dream where your open minds and courageous hearts have taken you!

I’ve had beautiful conversations across the ether with my mum, my dad and my sister, and feel my heart expand and my eyes prick with tears of joy at how much love we share together, even if we don’t always fully understand each other's “way”. And I’m such a proud Auntie and cousin to some special ones in my fam.

I’ve “come out” to my folks as a sexuality and sex education professional. I’d previously shared that I was a tantra practitioner and, though I don't need their approval, I didn’t want there to be any barriers to our communication. And I wanted to share with them how much I believe in empowerment, self care, the healing power of conscious sex, intimacy and relating, and of course the joy and pleasure that can be experienced through conscious sexual connection, something I feel we all deserve.

I’ve felt my heart expand and my entire body vibrate with love as I’ve conversed with (or even just thought of) amazing friends, loved ones, colleagues and community back in London, UK and Europe, and as I’ve connected with beautiful beings over here too. I fucking love you all so much, and am so grateful to have you in my life!

I've experienced rejections (specifically a potential work colleague, a lover and a former partner) and actually through these interactions have felt my capacity for love grow. The feelings have been more curious and fascinating than painful - feeling some sadness tempered with the aliveness of being honest and true to myself and the other, sharing myself and my truth wholeheartedly. I can't control the outcome, but I can be love, and meet them (and myself) from a place of love.

I’ve embraced the resonance I have with Anam Cara - Gaelic for “soul friend” or “soul beloved”. You’ll see my name here and elsewhere as Katy Cara. The late, great John O’Donohue wrote this about the essence and origin of the term:

“In the Celtic tradition, there is a beautiful understanding of love and friendship. One of the fascinating ideas here is the idea of soul-love; the old Gaelic term for this is anam cara. Anam is the Gaelic word for soul and cara is the word for friend. So anam cara in the Celtic world was the “soul friend.” In the early Celtic church, a person who acted as a teacher, companion, or spiritual guide was called an anam cara. It originally referred to someone to whom you confessed, revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. With the anam cara you could share your inner-most self, your mind and your heart. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention, morality, and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the “friend of your soul.” The Celtic understanding did not set limitations of space or time on the soul. There is no cage for the soul. The soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This art of belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship.”

This is my intention. You can read more here: https://www.brainpickings.org/.../anam-cara-john-o.../

And this trip isn’t anywhere near over. I’m heading to Bali again today where I’ll be facilitating with an awe-inspiring team at the most delicious and delectable Sensual Arts Retreat. I’ll be back in Australia soon for some more deep and transformative work with Seani and the School of Erotic Mysteries. I’m planning to offer client sessions here too. And I’m also picking up on my behind-the-scenes work with my beloved Summer House team again.

And the rest is a blank canvas. Until it's not.

I’m due to head back to the UK and Europe in June. Stuff that’s exciting me includes: Maha Yoga retreats, Xplore Barcelona, Lost Horizon at various festivals, The Summer House Weekend, Noisily, Sexolution, the riverbank, London fam, sound journey circles, and hopefully even more beautiful reconnections and celebrations!

Can’t wait to be with you in the physical again sometime soon.

With love and gratitude